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To the boy i hv loved & lost..
Saturday, June 20, 2015 | 10:42 PM | 0 comment(s)
I know we’re not talking right now, but its late on the night & i cant sleep. i cant sleep bcs im going to be doing it all alone. in a few days, i'll wake up, shower & go to class knowing that when i get to room i cant telling u how it went. instead, i'll just lay on my bed while feeling the full weight of the reality that the only person i want to tell about my day is the only person i cant talk to.

I confess that sometimes i still take yr shirt out of the pile & lie on my bed breathing in your scent & stop pretending to be okay. (i know how pathetic i was)

Despite all of my efforts to charge ahead & leave u behind, i keep thinking that with enough time u'll change yr mind. that u'll realize u made a mistake. that u want me back. that u want to be “us” again. that u still love me. i keep thinking that u'll simply change yr mind & come back to me.

But idk when or if that will happen & thats the most painful part of all of this. the possibility that the love of yr life may just simply not be me.

Either way, im going to start my new sem next week & im nervous. u're the only person who knows how to calm me down & that gonna be a day i’ll be leaving my room without u telling me that i can do it, that im going to be great, that i shouldn’t be scared & that u cant wait to hear all about it at the night. i'll go thru each & every day putting one foot in front of the other while studying hard to convince everyone that i am fine knowing that u're somewhere else, doing something else, with someone else. i will put u out of my mind & simply carry on. until i see yr favorite candy at the grocery store, until my phone vibrates, until that song comes on, until i hv to go to sleep. until i fall apart & hv to start all over again…without you.

Love, ten